I've decided that for when I make these thingies, I shall name them whatever song on my ipod shuffle or my itunes is playing at the moment. Even though it takes me long enough to write these that I go through about ten songs.

Well. Apparently I might quite possibly have a problem with my thyroid. Got bloodwork done. Mom's gonna call the lab to see what the results were. Doctor said to test for pregnancy even though we all know I'm not prego. My body really does not want to give me any breaks. Been getting really dizzy lately, really bad headaches, my feet and ankles are swollen, the amount of swelling varying from day to day, pain in certain areas of the feet, loss of appetite, weight gain, more irritable... bunch of fun stuff.

Didn't get to tell the doctor about my back being all fucked up because it wasn't my normal doctor I saw. It's always been bad because when I was 2 I was in a car accident so apparently got whiplash back then. Then there was another car accident when I was about 8 I think? 7 or 8. One of the two. And with how lovely school is, they never make my schedule fit around my locker they decide to give me so I have to carry all my crap with me all the time. Well, last Tuesday Shane decided to go and hit my lumbar with his binder hard enough for me to feel it all through my back and the pain got to the point everything went numb. It's been switching between very painful and just straight up numb.

With how things are going, it just makes me wish more and more that I could just pack up my things and ship myself to Florida right now. That would be so nice. I can't wait til I go down there. I'll be getting lots more hugs there than I do here, hopefully.

I've been so stressed lately that Sunday morning I woke up crying. I had a dream that was as vivid as they usually are when things are getting bad and when something life-altering is about to happen. The dream was more of a nightmare but I had trouble waking from it.
Sister got caught selling prescription drugs to pill poppers. I got blamed for it. Killer whale randomly in the school pool and nearly ate a baby penguin that was there for who know what reason. Apparently the killer whale being in the pool was my fault even though I pulled the baby penguin out of the water before the killer whale got to it. Bunch of random happenings that were negative impacts apparently were my fault and I got blamed for everything. Eventually everyone started ignoring me. I couldn't find Foof anywhere. I just had the baby penguin to hold. Eventually even the baby penguin left me. I started crying and looked for someone who wasn't ignoring me. I ran into Big Nate and he asked me if I was going to the graduation ceremony and I started crying even more because there was nothing I could do to get my grades high enough to graduate let alone meet all the requirements to graduate. I ran off crying, needing to get away, my whole entire body in agony. My brain just wanted to shut down. End everything.

I'm still shaken up from that dream and haven't really wanted to go to school anymore. Gotta go though since I want to go to the senior banquet and finals begin next week.

Seems my brain is finally gaining some semblance of order. My thoughts aren't so jumbled despite the constant headaches. Maybe the headaches are caused by my brain subconsciously rearranging everything.

Anywho, seems my brain needs some sleep now. Sleep sounds good. Hopefully things will get better. Friend and owner of one of my favorite sites told me "Smile hun. Karma's a bitch and she is not mad at you. That's all I have to say." It doesn't seem that way. But I'll just have to trust him on that. [link]

Lots of love to all my close friends, the family I get to choose for myself, those who care about me even though I'm not blood related. If not for my friends I probably wouldn't be here.